frail gestures

General observations

2006-09-13T20:58:00.000-04:00

A few observations now that it's been two weeks since school started:

1. One day I will fall asleep on the T and wake up when train goes out of service.
2. Fall comes too soon.
3. Just because you have something to say, does not mean you should say it.
4. Most of my shoes have no place in law school. I will have to buy more.
5. There's always next year.

Moi?

2006-08-23T00:26:00.000-04:00

You Are 60% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?

But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

How Weird Are You?

Whickedy Whack for the Soul

2006-08-12T22:18:00.000-04:00

Here's a little quiz Y tagged me for:

2 moments in your life you'd like to erase:
1. When I was mugged in D.C.
2. I was really mean to a boy in my class when I was in seventh grade. I'm sure he's forgotten, but I still feel bad.

4 moments you'd like to relive:
1. Holding Mariah in the hospital a few days after she was born. I sat in my mom's lap and Mariah was in mine. I was nearly four.
2. A first kiss while waiting for the Batman ride at Six Flags in 1999.
3. Feeding my grandfather ("Pop") when he was in the Alzheimer's unit soon before he died.
4. Sitting in a chair in the House chamber.

2 places you wouldn't go to/go to again:
1. A certain crappy motel near the Jersey shore.
2. In any theater where "Gladiator" is showing.

4 places you can't wait to visit/visit again:
1. Montana. Beautiful.
2. Paris. It's cliche, but I want to go.
3. Belize. Such a mix of cultures and languages, I'm fascinated by it.
4. The house I grew up in.

2 foods you can't stand:
1. Olives
2. Veal (Blame Ms. Wagner)

4 foods you love:
1. Edamame
2. Oranges
3. Any kind of ice cream that involves chocolate
4. Coffee

2 songs that make you change the station:
1. "God Bless The USA" ("Where at least I know I'm free" -- what kind of line is that?!)
2. "Macarena" or equivalent dance craze.

4 songs you play over and over:
1. "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" by Paul Simon.
2. "Walk Unafraid" by R.E.M.
3. "Good-Bye My Lover" by James Blunt (It's not a theme -- I promise.)
4. "Reservations" by Wilco.

2 books you'd never finish/read again:
1. Jon Stewart's "Naked Pictures of Famous People" -- I'm with Y on that one.
2. The Stand. I started this four years ago and have never finished it.

4 books you have read more than once, and/or will read again:
1. A Wrinkle in Time.
2. Little Women.
3. Pride and Prejudice.
4. Gone With the Wind.

I'm supposed to tag someone: Jennifer is next ...

Transitions

2006-08-12T01:00:00.000-04:00

The entire premise of this long-neglected blog has changed. Were I the melodramatic sort (moi?!), I would tell you I'm unemployed. But that would be misleading. Really, I'm doing the unthinkable. Actually, two unthinkables. First, I'm taking a month off. Second, I'M GOING TO LAW SCHOOL. What's really weird about the latter is that I'm leaving journalism. That I'm on my way to being an attorney seems -- and is -- far off. But leaving journalism? It's a lifestyle, a way of being, a way of thinking. I called a former co-worker while I was at the airport the other day to make sure they had somebody following the corruption cases I was watching. And, oh, I miss that! I had read in the Times that morning that Bob Ney won't run for re-election and Republicans can't replace Tom DeLay on the ballot. Soon after, Lieberman lost the Democratic nomination -- and where am I? Michigan, but more on that later.

Transitions are funny things, especially when they're bridges between one good thing and (hopefully) another. I was ready to leave DC. I'll miss my friends, my job (largely) and the political process. I can't believe I won't be there for election day. But I also can't wait for that next step, for the intellectual challenge and novelty. For a different city, and an apartment that's more my own, for time in the library and in coffee shops pouring over thick books.

Also, I'm working on an article that is very different from the terse, straight-forward reporting I'm used to. It's a magazine profile of a man from my hometown whose grandfather was an important historical figure in the town. Pretty psyched about that -- and more on it later.

So, I'm in Michigan visiting Y&A -- then back to Boston for a couple of days. To Jersey for 10 (Anybody want to hang out in NYC?) and back up north for ... SCHOOL!

Here's to getting this thing going again, eh?

The Luck Of The Irish

2006-03-15T22:37:00.000-05:00

(No, I don't know how to rotate this Quicktime movie.)

I have been informed that I am a rather slow-to-post blogger. But to that I say, "Ptew!"

Seriously, though, it's mostly that there isn't much I want to recant on a public site just now. Perhaps I picked the wrong forum to express my thoughts? Deadlines for deciding on schools, or if I'm even going, loom and I'm still waiting on a few. My trust for the postal service in D.C. is shaky, so I wonder, "Did those thin envelopes get lost in the mail?"

The count is four in, three not and four to be determined. One school offered me a fair amount of money, but I wonder if I could live there. And to confuse matters, I'm training "New Guy" just now and haven't had much chance to determine whether I want to ask for a deferral. That, though, would make another decision easier: I'd probably choose the New York school, money be damned. I don't know how long I really can stay away from my parents -- though the details of that are not fit for the blogosphere.

On a lighter note, spring has sprung and the trees here are draped in small buds. I keep thinking, "CHERRY BLOSSOMS!" Little sister was in town over the weekend, on the eve of her 21st birthday. Above is a very short clip of her getting her first age-21 bracelet -- the guy at the checkin for Shamrock Fest either didn't notice or didn't care that she was two days shy.

More soon. Probably.

Cute Is Powerless

2006-02-20T22:42:00.000-05:00

Got back from Albany at about 11 this morning. Beautiful wedding, even if it was in upstate New York in February. We arrived Friday evening and drove north to Saratoga Springs to discover that power had been out since midday due to a wind storm, a revalation that put in context the awful turbulence we experienced upon landing. So, the four of us essentially camped in our unlit, unheated, fourth-floor hotel rooms, made comfortable by flashlights a la Target and the fact that heat rises. I later read that about 300,000 people were without power. M and I were awoken at 10 a.m. by the buzz of electricity returning, only to be disappointed 20 minutes later when we returned to the Stone Age. It came back for good at 4 p.m.

To give you an idea of the awesome cold that is Albany in February -- clearly my time in the District has spoiled me -- check out the photo. It dropped another 6 degrees that night, and with the windchill it was -1F. (The rest of my photos are on my camera as are some month-old shots of the panda cub. I don't motivate easily on such things.)

While I was there, I bought a sequel of Pride and Prejudice. I love the original, but this one by a modern author reads like a drug-store romance novel. It's called Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife and it's by Linda Berdoll. I think I might be killing brain cells, but I need something to balance the book on the evolution of the English language that I'm reading too.

Berdoll seems to be emlulating Jane Austen's writing style, but it often reads like a college freshman trying to sound smart. For the sake of keeping this blog PG, or at least PG-13, take the following passage:

Desperation had begun to make a nasty crease betwitxt his usually unfurrowed brows. Was that not vexation enough, to be confronted in London by an obviously indignant Darcy whilst in lascivious company with the unwed, underage Lydia would have been quite unnerving to any man who valued his bursa virilia. (p. 14)

Um, yeah.

But the power of Jane Austen, to anyone who really loves her, is in the characters a reader grows to love. So Berdoll's novel might not win a National Book Award, but it's worth my while none the less.

Speaking of less-than-fine literature, I picked up a copy of March's Allure magazine, which has a rather astute short essay on being a petite woman. I often say that my personality was compensation for my small size growing up, and it seems I'm not the only one who sees herself that way. The writer, Ayelet Waldman, is 5'. She writes:

That paradoxical sense of empowerment may explain the reputation for a certain Napoleonic, domineering quality that we small women enjoy. It also helps account for the hatefulness of the adjective that is our bane, our kryptonite. Ostensibly a compliment, it serves to upset our precarious balance, to throw off our navigation of the big waves and high winds of the world. Not willowy. Never lissome.
Cute.

Waldman beautifully explains the problem witht he word.:

My four-year-old daughter is cute. Her Hello Kitty lunch box is cute. When our Bernese mountain dog was a puppy, she was very, very cute. But don't call me cute. Cute is powerless; cute is sexless; cute can be dismissed.

Precisely!

I struggled with my size as a child, weighing 40 pounds in the second grade, according to my school records. My first communion dress, worn soon after my eighth birthday might have fit an ordinary five-year-old child. I think I felt as a child that I had to overcome being small, being easily overlooked and trounced in gym class. (I have an occasional recurring dream about having to retake gym.)

As it turned out, I stand a victorious 5'2", a good two inches taller than my mom thought I would likely be. But my personality was formed my body, and it will always reflect my childhood. Somehow, I'm thankful for that.

I'm From New Jersey

2006-02-16T17:39:00.000-05:00

I had to share this ... New Jersey's state song ...

I'm From New Jersey

Written & Music by Red Mascara

Verse (Ad lib)

I know of a state that's a perfect playland with white sandy beaches by the sea;

With fun-filled mountains, lakes and parks, and folks with hospitality;

With historic towns where battles were fought, and presidents have made their home;

It's called New Jersey, and I toast and tout it wherever I may roam. 'Cause . . .

First Chorus

I'M FROM NEW JERSEY and I'm proud about it, I love the Garden State.

I'M FROM NEW JERSEY and I want to shout it, I think it's simply great.

All of the other states throughout the nation may mean a lot to some;

But I wouldn't want another, Jersey is like no other, I'm glad that's where I'm from.

Second Chorus

If you want glamour, try Atlantic City or Wildwood by the sea;

Then there is Trenton, Princeton, and Fort Monmouth, they all made history.

Each little town has got that certain something, from High Point to Cape May;

And some place like Mantoloking, Phillipsburg, or Hoboken will steal your heart away.

Post-Mortem

2006-02-08T00:26:00.000-05:00

My boss pointed out how much more attention the death of Corretta Scott King has gotten in comparison to Betty Friedan's. Certainly, King deserves the honors bestowed upon her, but why doesn't an revolutionary like Friedan?

I hope he doesn't mind being quoted:

She [Friedan], too, helped remove shackles. She, too, helped force major changes in civil rights, in society and, in some cases, in individual behavior. She, too, altered the fabric of the nation, in a great and positive way. My goddaughter and my nieces are in a better place because of her.

There is a lesser awareness of the women's movement than of the civil rights movement that brought racial politics to the forefront. I think that is for several reasons:

Inequalities among racial groups are still painfully evident to anyone who has seen an inner city or who paid attention to the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. However, while unfair advantages still exist for women, it's often more subtle, and it's hard to separate what differences are by choice and which are imposed from without.

The Civil Rights movement is remembered in a national holiday, Martin Luther King's birthday, and is a part of children's education from a young age. But we seem to forget that women have been voting nationwide for less than 90 years, and that so many strides have been recent. And we lack a face with whom to connect the movement, its ideas and its accomplishments. I don't know why that is, though I wonder if we as a society are more skeptical of women leaders. Or if perhaps, they are just more easily demonized. Or perhaps our memories of leaders are improved with time. Being 24, I don't know how Americans, white or black, perceived King or Friedan in their heydays.

I don't mean this to be a competition between two movements that really are intertwined, but I do wonder what the women's movement can learn from the civil rights movement and vice versa. Any ideas?

Bye, Bye Betty

2006-02-05T23:35:00.000-05:00

Betty Friedan died. I had long meant to writer her a letter.

When I read The Feminine Mystique a few years ago, I looked her up and noticed she's in the phone book. I wanted to write her and thank her for the opportunities I and other women of my generation have because of her and and other trailblazing women. I didn't go to college as way to kill time until marriage, to make myself a well-rounded wife or to meet an up-and-coming man to marry. That in itself is a huge transformation from my mother's generation -- her father thought she should attend college so she didn't "marry a cop." And when my mother announced, 25-plus years ago that she was pregnant with me, her employer laid her off. It was illegal then, but attitudes hadn't caught up with the law, and it simply was expected that she would quit.

Without a doubt, women of my generation -- the granddaughters of Freidan's -- still struggle with issues of womanhood and the workplace. I have seen my friends take divergent paths, some refusing to cede scholarly and professional ambitions, some eyeing futures as stay-at-home mothers, and others making it up as they go along. I think all three groups should be thankful to her because they have those divergent paths to choose from. I struggle with it, with being a woman and wanting a family in that "some day" way that is completely intangible and noncommittal to the nth degree. I'm in the "see what comes" camp, leaning much more toward ambition in the raw sense; but I don't think anyone -- woman or man -- can plan his or her own life to a T. What comes at you is half luck, blessing or curse, and you make the best of it.

In what I suppose must have unintentionally coincided with Friedan's death, teacher Deborah M. Hoffman wrote in Sunday's Washington Post that society's low expectations for boys' and mens' behavior does them and women a disservice. In her piece, "What Does 'Boys Will Be Boys' Really Mean" she writes:

You can hear and see evidence of this longstanding folk "wisdom" about boys almost everywhere, from the gender-typed assumptions people make about young boys to the resigned attitude or blind eye adults so often turn to disrespectful or insensitive male behavior.

What results is a pardon of boorish behavior by men toward women, and an expecatation that women should keep them in line. It not only forgives, but encourages, teenage boys and young men to pursue members of the opposite sex like predators on their prey, reducing women to animals by analogy and asking very little of men as moral beings.

So much for the all-to-widely held belief that the women's movement is passe.

(P.S. Two for two on schools, eight to go, and no idea what I'll do.)

Raison d’être

2006-01-20T16:39:00.000-05:00

OK, so here's an idea I got from another blogger, who compiled a list of 50 things she wants to do with her life.

I don't think we have one reason for being, but many.

So far, I have 39 "goals." Some are little, some are big, some I'll probably look back on and think "Why?!"

But here they are:

1. To travel to each of the continents, except Antarctica (too cold)
2. To earn a graduate or professional degree
3. To learn to like driving.
4. To learn a non-Romance language
5. To improve my credit rating.
6. To do a pullup.
7. To do 10 real pushups.
8. To own a house.
9. To see the Great Reef
10. To scuba dive
11. To do a walking tour of the Grand Canyon
12. To have a byline in a publication read nationwide
13. To run for office.
14. To memorize good Scrabble words
15. To learn to play the violin, again
16. To attend the Olympic games
17. To see a taping of "The Daily Show"
18. To retire comfortably
19. To research my family's geneology
20. To see the parts of Ireland my ancestors lived in
21. To live in New York City
22. To live abroad
23. To fall in love, and have it last
24. To have courage when I do
25. To be comfortable singing
26. To be trained as an EMT
27. To have a room with full bookcases on all sides
28. To exercise every day
29. To take pictures
30. To drive across country, again
31. To have children
32. To be just a little bit nicer
33. To learn to stop on ice skates
34. To be able to change the water jug, again
35. To write a book
36. To teach a class
37. To own original art
38. To spend time in the researchers' division of the National Archives
39. To learn to waltz

The More, The Merrier

2006-01-18T00:12:00.000-05:00

Always stumbling, sometimes falling, I have learned along the way that making decisions is not always difficult because one has too many choices, but rather because one has only one life. That reality makes for infinate forks in the road and forces a person to decide what she will live for. I feel like I have a drawer full of forks. Plastic ones, well-shined silver ones, elaborately decorated ones.

The newest one is law school. I got my first acceptance today, but utter surprise since it's only the middle of January and I figured it would be at least one more month. I got it in an e-mail and gasped outloud in disbelief that something that has been such a focus of my life for the last six months -- nevermind extraordinary expense -- is actually an option.

But I stand here wondering if I want to give up what I have. My job is already an immense learning experience; each day is an education unto itself. Today, I researched the House majority leader election in 1998, when Dick Armey had to defend his post amid growing discontent with the leadership. One day, it's the budget process. Another day, it's a Senate race. I get to stand in the gym, watching Trent Lott on C-SPAN and take mental notes for what I'm going to do with my day later, based on what he says. There's something about seeing the smirk on his face and guessing what he'll say that I can't quite articulate. And, yes, there is C-SPAN in New York, but would I care so much if this weren't my life, my career?

Do I postpone law school? If I don't, where do I go? Where they give me money? Where I'll be close to home? Where the academic reputation is the greatest? Where I'll simply be happy?

For now, I suppose, I'm just going to be grateful that I have choices. The more, the better.

Super Duper

2006-01-10T16:41:00.000-05:00

Went to the Alito hearing today. The following actually happened as he and Sen. Arlen Specter, R-Pa., were discussing judicial precedent:

“I personally would not categorize precedents as super or super duper.” -- Alito

“Did you say super duper?” -- Specter

Year End

2006-01-03T00:25:00.000-05:00

Well, it's 2006. A new year and a perfect excuse for journalists to rehash, recycle and reassess. Or better yet, to write their stories before the holidays and have the copy ready to go so they can stay on vacation.

The New York Times Science section writes, "From pandas to penguins, 2005 was the year of the adorable." The story is actually fascinating, focusing on the factors that make young animals, and people, cute. The lede, though? Eh.
More interestingly, the Washington Post columnist Eugene Robinson details the "too good to check" stories of 2005. He writes: "The mayhem was front page news. But later, when the dead were recovered and autopsied, authorities found no spike in homicides the week after Katrina hit. Same with the reports that miscreants were shooting at rescue helicopters." More interesting, but given that it's a column, there's not the space for real detail.
The Bangor Daily News and surely dozens of other newspapers snoringly detail the best and worst of 2005. I admit, though, that I agree with the author, who writes, "A return to gauchos - I've never met a woman who looked good in them. Sure, all that drapelike fabric seemed like a good idea, but really, it wasn't. Cropped pants, yes. Gauchos? Not so much." Seriously, no more gauchos.
Particularly "ick"-worthy is the Allentown, Pa., Morning Call's "year in review" on movies celebrities liked best in 2005. Nuff said.

As a journalist, I understand the frustration one feels lacking the luxury of normal hours, etc. But if you're going to do enterprise stories, can't you be moderately investigative rather than futzing around on Lexis Nexis until you come up with a good rehash piece?

Peter Pan Syndrome

2005-12-25T21:14:00.000-05:00

Christmas is wrought with high expectations. As a wide-eyed child, the holiday seemed magical. As an adult, it's memories are impossible to live up to.

I wonder if as adults we add all the glitter and bows to avoid confronting the disappointment of growing up. I think that's why Christmas is so commercialized; it's our attempt to purchase happiness where we can't find it and to recapture the awe that came so naturally as children.

Please don't take me for a "bah humbug" sort, nor a puritan who would like to return to the ancient catacombs of Rome. I just haven't figured out what this holiday is about. I know I'm home and glad of it, and that Christmas without my family would be sad. I know that I like the spirit of giving, the carols, the Nutcracker ballet. And, yes, I like the sales too.

I think, with Christmas preparation starting before Halloween, the holidays might just be too built up by the time it arrives. What can live up to the promise of a new beginning, especially with a holiday that has grown secular? If a person can faithfully turn to God on Christmas and the hope that comes with that, they perhaps it's not so disappointing.

But I don't do that. I don't think like that. I go to church and think, "Gee, the drummer looks a lot like Karl Rove." I think perhaps that I feel peaceful. That's it.

This morning, my mom, dad and I did our annual program at a nursing home near our house in New Jersey. We were at the same facility last year, and several of the residents remembered my father and me; my mom is a regular there. The tradition is an annual reminder that Christmas is in the details; it's in smiles and making eye contact and a firm handshake; it's in singing along to carols with a 97-year-old at the piano and mumbling skillfully when you forget the words. It's the joy of knowing that nobody cares if you don't know the words; they like that you're trying and learning.

That's more what Christmas is to me -- a time to give a little more of myself and to do what I might shy away from selfishly at other times. Perhaps it will become habit. Who knows?

Christmas at the Capitol

2005-12-22T00:12:00.000-05:00

There's nothing like Christmas in Washington, especially this year.

In what proved a dramatic night on Capitol Hill, Senators rejected the defense spending bill, which included Arctic drilling language. Sen. Stevens fumed red to the point of clashing with his Incredible Hulk tie and threatened (again) to resign.

Meanwhile, Christmas is three days away, and the House will be back in session today with the hopes of passing the defense bill. Thankfully, though, my editor negotiated my release out of Washington and I'm off to Jersey in, count them, 11 hours.

Merry Christmas!!!

(Oddly enough, the silver lining of all the chaos on the Hill is that Christmas has sort of snuck up on me; it's impossible to feel premature Noel fatigue when there is so much that is decidedly unfestive going on.)

Today was probably the second-to-last time I'll volunteer with the seniors group; my promotion means that I'll be working days, the one down side of which is that I'll have to give up this daytime activity. And while, on the whole, I'm excited about my new job, I'll be sad to leave the ladies who have become my friends. I look up to them, admire them.

And sometimes I see their limitations, which most often they hide well. Recently, in a group setting, we were doing trivia questions on the holidays. A new staff person came in the room and replaced the person asking the questions. She asked a question we had heard several minutes later, and nobody knew the answer or even seemed to think the question familiar. I don't know if they forgot -- they have Alzheimer's, although the group is pretty high-functioning -- or if some thought the question familiar but unsure of whether it was mere deja vu. Probably the former.

I've got to pack.

Now this guy's got the right idea.

2005-12-18T21:39:00.000-05:00

As a side note, I am still at work.

Rolling Along Toward The Holidays

2005-12-15T00:54:00.000-05:00

So, its been ages -- um, two weeks -- since I've posted. A lot is going on, so here's a rundown of all things bloggable (blogable?).

* I got promoted last week. Very exciting, and unexpectedly anti-climactic all at the same time. Perhaps it was anti-climactic because it's been in the works for a year, or perhaps because I won't let myself believe it until they find and I train my replacement. Anyway, I'm going to be a reporter and doing graphics. I'm pretty happy that it's both because I like the variety, but also because it will allow me to be creative and have more freedom over what I pursue than a traditional beat would. That said, my boss has this URL, so BITE ME, DAVE! :)

* No idea about law school. It's a wait and see thing. I have applied to three schools. Have about seven more do go. Wouldn't it be ironic to spend a couple of thousand dollars, not to mention hundreds of hours, and then not go? It's up in the air.

* Oh, wait, it has to be bloggable. Um, nevermind.

* Going home for the holidays at the end of next week. I'll be there about a week, though I have two-and-a-half weeks off. Like everybody else at work, I'm drained. Intellectually, morally, physiologically, etc. To steal and mangle the words of one of my editors, who in turn ripped off Oliver Cromwell, "Go home for the grace of God!"

* Seeing Bon Jovi on Saturday. If you're from Jersey, you'll understand.

* We haven't had TV for nearly month. I've been reading a book every several days. (Direct TV sucks -- long story.) Just finished Memoirs of a Geisha. Really, a great book. Also, tore through two Betty Smith books, including A Tree Grows in Brooklyn.

Perhaps it's an obviousness to say that I have a thing for "girl vs. the world" plots.

Tree was such an amazing read for me, in part because the protagonist's life would have in many ways mirrored my great grandmother's. The story was originally and memoir. Smith was born poor and the child of German immigrants in Brooklyn in 1897. My great-grandmother, called Frances like the main character in Tree, was born in 1901, also to poor Germans in Brooklyn. Francie, the character, was born in 1902. My great grandmother lost her father when she was 9 and her family was nearly destitute.

It strikes me how much life has changed, and how much it hasn't; how people struggle to put food in their mouths and to move up just a little bit, generation by generation. Incidentally, my great grandmother married a well-to-do entrepreneur in her German-American neighborhood; her daughter, my grandmother, went to college.

I'll Spare You The Whitman, But ...

2005-11-27T12:26:00.000-05:00

It took me six years of living outside the New York metropolitan area to see the city as the greatest place on earth.

New York is a place of textures, smells and sounds. I used to wonder if a person would get lost in it, if she would fade into the details. But I have grown to see New York as a place of infinite inspiration for those who refuse to stop seeing the trees for the forest.

Yesterday, I went to see friends there. We started out at the American Museum of Natural History. So much of that museum hasn't changed in fifty years, it seems. I go there and want to walk out and hop a taxi to the old Waldorf. We walked around the flea market at Union Square and I caught the scent of cologne, then incense, then somebody's coffee. I see the national debt -- illuminated in large, orange letters -- ticking away in the distance. Walking near Rockefeller Center, "Silver Bells" breaks out like a soundtrack in movie. I smell pretzels and feel, with caution, the closeness of other people as I push my way through a crowd. I feel at home, as if to be part of the textures of the city would make me something more interesting, more inspired.

The city allows you to be who you are: In a place where 9 million people live, you blend in no matter who you are or how you present yourself. That's its gift and its curse.

Write The Caption

2005-11-21T15:02:00.000-05:00

Bush:
A. "Drats! They child-proofed it!"
B. "I found the WMD!"
C. "I want to see the wizard."
D. "Dude, I can't hold it any longer."

Game Fish

2005-11-21T11:58:00.000-05:00

Now that I found the cable to connect my camera to my computer, I wanted to share the coolest sculpture I have ever seen.

It's called "Game Fish" and it's at the Renwick Gallery, which is part of the Smithsonian. Larry Fuente created it in 1988.

Check out the detail. It's made of all kind of kitschy game pieces and toys, from chess pieces to the plastic letters that go on the refrigerator.

Quote the Washington Post:

Larry Fuente formed his splendid "Game Fish" from a mounted sailfish and game accessories -- dice, poker chips, domino tiles, Scrabble letters, yo-yos, badminton shuttlecocks and Ping-Pong balls.

Just wanted to share that.

Social Dynamics

2005-11-20T02:09:00.000-05:00

If it weren't sad, it would be funny how with a few words some people can make others feel small. There's one person like this in my life right now, a person I have to deal with and who is supposed to be a friend but who, if she is a friend, isn't a very good one. She'll be so sweet to my face, but in the next room I'll hear her say some nasty thing, either not realizing or not caring that I have very good hearing.

The first time she did this, I was sad. The second time, angry. Angry because with a few nasty words, another person could make me feel live an out-of-place, geeky 12 year old again. I, who grew up to be intellectually and physically confident. I ooze confidence, I told myself when this happened again.

So why the hell to I care, then?

I'm twice as old as I was when things like this were the norm, when as 12 year olds we gossiped about our friends and our peers who were above us on the social hierarchy looked down on us, glad they had that privilege and probably terrified themselves. Could it possibly be that some people never change? Could it be that I haven't changed as much as I'd like to think?

As I see it, there are three ways to respond to this: First, I could ignore it. But that seems like saying it's OK to disrespect me. And I hate feeling manipulated, feeling like somebody else can make me feel a certain way and I can do nothing about it. Second, I could do something passive aggressive. Usually, though, those things backfire. Or third, I could confront her next time it happens. Perhaps I will; I'll just walk up to her and tell her that if she has something to say she should say it to me. I'd hope that could turn the tables, that she'd be so flabbergasted she'd be speechless. But she could argue, could be yearning for a fight. What if I backed down? But if I could do it, that would be something to be proud of.

Children who other kids see as geeks or nerds or whatever are told to console themselves in two things: that they are better off in the long run than their more socially apt peers and that social dynamics change as we age. And mostly that seems to be true. I feel like I've grown into myself, that for the most part my self worth isn't based on what I wear, how I have a good time or how convincing of a chameleon I can be. I'm usually thick-skinned. And I haven't noticed the same social hierarchies as an adult, when I was in college or now as a working professional. Yet, eerily, it seems they creep back.

The key, perhaps, is choosing not to comply with those dynamics, to assert control over who you are and how you will interact with the world.

Easier said than done, though.

P.S. I'm really looking forward to going home for Thanksgiving.

Talking Points

2005-11-15T00:39:00.000-05:00

I told myself I wouldn't let this be a forum to ruminate, kvetch, wax on news. I also told myself I would give up drinking Coke and would go to the gym five times a week. Hell, three times a week.

So, back to the news. Senate Dems are trying to stop Republicans from adjourning for the year by Thanksgiving, seeking to capitalize on the GOP's waning influence. Makes sense, so far. But what do they distribute as their talking points? Any new ideas? Strong positions?

Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid's key point seems to be that "Republicans' misplaced priorities in Congress built a bridge to nowhere in Alaska. President Bush is conducting a presidency to nowhere." Pretty last week.

On an amusing note, Conservative whackos want to replace Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg with Wendy Long, counsel to The Judicial Confirmation Network. Michael Gaynor writes on the revelation the Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito opposed abortion rights, among other issues, in a mid-1980s job application to work for the Reagan administration. He lauds her for quickly responding that Alito's judicial philosophy, that a right to abortion is not guaranteed by the Constitution, was mainstream judicial thought.

Gaynor writes, "God bless Ms. Long! She belongs among the Supremes too. Justice Ginsburg, who resents America's long history as a Christian country and fantasizes about constitutional right status for prostitution and polygamy , should resign immediately to make room for Ms. Long."

Um, OK.

Number Games

2005-11-13T16:58:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to steer this thing away from news, news and more news, but I had to mention a rather interesting piece by John Edwards in today's Washington Post. About voting for the war in Iraq, Edwards begins, "I was wrong."

Adds Edwards, "While we can't change the past, we need to accept responsibility, because a key part of restoring America's moral leadership is acknowledging when we've made mistakes or been proven wrong -- and showing that we have the creativity and guts to make it right."

He doesn't offer much of a solution, beyond withdrawing troops gradually after next year's elections, because they are more of a hindrance to security there than a help, and training Iraqi troops to provide security there. Then again, sometimes there is no good solution, just a best solution -- the lesser of two evils. Could it be that the longer U.S. troops are in Iraq, the more motivated the resistance will be?

As the number of U.S. troops killed in Iraq approached 1,000, I found myself anticipating an outcry that didn't occur. But 2,000 seems to have struck a chord. What would 3,000 do? Or, God forbid, more?

On another note, I saw the Dalai Lama speak yesterday. A friend and I talked our way into press passes. They telecast the speech, delivered to the neuroscience conference here, to the media room and then he came for a press conference afterward. He instructed us that members of the media should be "long-nosed" -- that we should investigate and hold the powers that be accountable.

He struck me as a person of humility and humor, to the point that it was stunning. As the speech began, he struggled with his English -- for whatever reason, it never occurred to me that he would have trouble with the language -- and fumbled with his materials, dropping something at one point and easing into his address like one would ease into a conversation with a stranger. As he spoke to individual journalists on his way out, he seemed to address the humanity within them. He said we are all basically the same person -- and I think he's right.

Tourist Trap

2005-11-10T00:13:00.000-05:00

As I see it, there are three stages of living in D.C.

At first, you're trying really hard not to be a tourist. You'll go out of your way to avoid bad or unfamiliar areas, and should you end up in, say, Brookland, you'll try not to look out of place.

In the second stage, say six months in, you're starting to get comfortable. You are overly eager to give directions, just because you're glad you're not lost all the time. You also start to adopt an unnaturally preppy style. You are amused at tourists, with their too-short, wedgie pants; fanny packs, and CIA or FBI shirts.

Now the third stage. Tourists become annoying. You should be grateful to live somewhere people would actually want to visit, but any sense of gratefulness has left your citified self.

So on the Metro today, I'm transferring to the Orange Line at Metro Center. Filing toward the one downward escalator, I hear the train approach. Train arrives. I'm at the escalator. People stand on the left and right. The left and right! Am sardine on escalator. Trains on both side have doors open. People on escalator are waaay to calm for people who have any place to be. Make train by rushing though closing doors.

The lesson: Tourists suck. Sorry.

You Know Things are Bad for the GOP ...

2005-11-09T19:25:00.000-05:00

... When Sen. Pete Domenici (R-N.M.) says this:

"There's a growing suspicion that the oil companies are taking unfair advantage ... to line their coffers with excess profits. ... The oil companies owe the American people an explanation."

First-Person Singular

2005-11-08T00:32:00.000-05:00

Why is it so hard to write in the first person?
I had hoped this medium would help me with that, but instead it's turned into constant ruminating on news, my outlet to compensate for a career that requires impartiality.

As it turns out, I don't really want my personal life out there, exposed to all of cyberspace. So, I'm vague; forgive me.

I had cut myself off from this to redo my personal statement, which now has a point. AK things it might be on "drama queen" side -- I took out the reference to journalism as a "demanding lover." (Bad writing can affect anyone!)

Starts the statment:

It is never easy to say good-bye to something you love. Writing, for me, has been a way of life and journalism a demanding fixation whose expectations only grow, but who educates and challenges at every turn. Like any devotion, though, even the greatest passions can come with too high a price. For me, this too-great price has been political noninvolvement for the sake of a journalist’s sacrosanct impartiality.

Mostly, the trouble has been this pervavise sense of going nowhere. It's odd; I'm not unhappy, but I'm restless like a capricous child. It makes me think of D.H. Lawrence.

Restlessness
At the open door of the room I stand and look at the night,
Hold my hand to catch the raindrops, that slant into sight,
Arriving grey from the darkness above suddenly into the light of the room.
I will escape from the hollow room, the box of light,
And be out in the bewildering darkness, which is always fecund, which might
Mate my hungry soul with a germ of its womb.

I will go out to the night, as a man goes down to the shore
To draw his net through the surf’s thin line, at the dawn before
The sun warms the sea, little, lonely and sad, sifting the sobbing tide.
I will sift the surf that edges the night, with my net, the four
Strands of my eyes and my lips and my hands and my feet, sifting the store
Of flotsam until my soul is tired or satisfied.

I will catch in my eyes’ quick net
The faces of all the women as they go past,
Bend over them with my soul, to cherish the wet
Cheeks and wet hair a moment, saying: “Is it you?”
Looking earnestly under the dark umbrellas, held fast
Against the wind; and if, where the lamplight blew
Its rainy swill about us, she answered me
With a laugh and a merry wildness that it was she
Who was seeking me, and had found me at last to free
Me now from the stunting bonds of my chastity,
How glad I should be!

Moving along in the mysterious ebb of the night
Pass the men whose eyes are shut like anemones in a dark pool;
Why don’t they open with vision and speak to me, what have they in sight?
Why do I wander aimless among them, desirous fool?
I can always linger over the huddled books on the stalls,
Always gladden my amorous fingers with the touch of their leaves,
Always kneel in courtship to the shelves in the doorways, where falls
The shadow, always offer myself to one mistress, who always receives.

But oh, it is not enough, it is all no good.
There is something I want to feel in my running blood,
Something I want to touch; I must hold my face to the rain,
I must hold my face to the wind, and let it explain
Me its life as it hurries in secret.
I will trail my hands again through the drenched, cold leaves
Till my hands are full of the chillness and touch of leaves,
Till at length they induce me to sleep, and to forget.

Forty-Year Backlash

2005-10-31T23:53:00.000-05:00

So Maureen Dowd writes in Sunday's New York Times Magazine about women's changing role as sexual creatures. Dowd, in "What's a Girl to Do?" is largely insightful, and seems to appreciate how much has changed and to be honestly critical feminism's ebbing power. Dowd writes of the height of the women's movement, "Maybe we should have known that the story of women's progress would be more of a zigzag than a superhighway, that the triumph of feminism would last a nanosecond while the backlash lasted 40 years."

But later, she makes my skin crawl just a little bit, opining on perfectly intelligent, outspoken women. Quote Dowd:

[T]he aroma of male power is an aphrodisiac for women, but the perfume of female power is a turnoff for men. It took women a few decades to realize that everything they were doing to advance themselves in the boardroom could be sabotaging their chances in the bedroom, that evolution was lagging behind equality.

And, wow, do I think she's wrong. Or perhaps misguided. Men who aren't emasculated by a intellectual woman exist, at least in my generation. I suspect that the White House correspondent who lamented "Men only want to marry their personal assistants or P.R. women" has been barking up the wrong trees. Perhaps the problem is more than what is glamorized in women -- and don't get me wrong, that doesn't change -- or what some men might be threatened by; it's also problematic that men who shun powerful women are glamorized, turned into the ultimate alpha male.

Speaking of alpha males, President Bush today nominated Samuel Alito to replace Sandra Day O'Connor on the Supreme Court. Alito is the clearly conservative, experienced, anti-abortion rights jurist evangelicals demanded. As a judge on the 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals he voted to uphold a Pennsylvania abortion law later struck down by the Supreme Court in the 1992 decision Planned Parenthood v. Casey. Furthermore, "Scalito" dissented with a portion of the circuit court's decision striking down a provision that required women to inform their husbands before getting an abortion.

Bush had to piss someone off, and perhaps picking someone less obviously conservative than Alito would have been a slap in the face to evangelicals from which he could not recover; this is the golden calf for them. But it also will make for a tough fight, and Bush is hedging his bets that current scandals don't further reduce the White House's clout and enable moderates to buck the party and vote no or uphold a filibuster. Republicans are gearing up to label Democrats "obstructionists" and Democrats seem to have their heads up their asses.

What scares me most is Ohio Republican Sen. Mike DeWine -- a member of the "Gang of 14," which brokered a deal to end the last fight over judicial nominees -- being quoted by the Associated Press saying he would vote to change Senate rules if a filibuster were invoked over Alito. Perhaps DeWine, targeted by Democrats for defeat next year, is hoping to rally the party base in his state, so they will turn out next November and keep him in office. Why else would he make such a quick comment, while other moderates are taking a wait-and-see attitude?

On the Jersey front, I imagine Democratic Sen. Jon Corzine is glad the governor's election is next week and he won't have to deal with any backlash to the nomination for weeks on end, should a filibuster happen. Then again, it's New Jersey and that might help him. Who knows?

It's late so, I'm going to wrap up, but check out some pretty insightful analysis on what it would take to get Alito confirmed, courtesy of none other than RedState.org.

Nomination Eve

2005-10-30T23:44:00.000-05:00

Someone out there is prepping himself (or herself) to be a target of the right, or left or both, come President Bush's expected announcement tomorrow of his next Supreme Court nominee.

It makes sense that Bush is quickly naming a new nominee; more than anything else, it makes Miers' withdrawal old news. And frankly the Senate wants to go home before, say December 35th. (I do too!)

The New York Times reported Sunday that, shock of shocks, the right expects "more" of Bush's next nominee to the high court. The Times reports that senators privately acknowledge that "the kind of nominee conservatives want - someone with a record of legal opinions against abortion rights, among other things" would face a perilous road toward confirmation.

Now, here is where I will ask any religious readers I might have to forgive me. ...

Perhaps it's evangelicals' faith that lets them believe they stand half a chance getting a nominee through the court who clearly would overturn Roe v. Wade, given Republicans' current PR problems. Like it or not, a majority of Americans support a woman's right to choose; Americans who identify as "pro-choice" outnumber those who call themselves "pro-life" 54-38 percent, according to an August CNN/Gallup/USA Today poll. And two-thirds of Americans would not want a nominee to overturn Roe v. Wade, said another CNN/Gallup/USA Today poll earlier in the summer.

It would be arrogant, in the current political atmosphere, to choose a nominee whose judicial record on abortion is as clear and anti-abortion rights as conservatives and to tout him/her as such. How would senators sell such a nominee to the American people while the White House is under increased scrutiny a la Scooter Libby? Now what if Rove is indicted? Or Cheney is implicated? What if DeLay's woes further downspiral? (He might be minority leader in the House, but tarnished reputations have a way of making their way across the Capitol).

Now, I would hardly put it past the Bush White House to do something as politically arrogant as nominate that kind of conservative, but as my boss pointed out, Bush values loyalty first and foremost. The backlash to Miers showed waning loyalty among conservatives, and Bush might bite back.

A couple of points/news items to ponder:

1. An Associated Press news analysis points out that Bush and the GOP is "spending a lot of time trying to change the subject" -- between nominating a new Federal Reserve chairman and opening the Rotunda for Rosa Parks to lay in state (a worthy cause, but not typical GOP).

2. Will Bush pardon Karl Rove if he's convicted?

3. Will Condoleeza Rice somehow end up Vice President?

On a personal note, my first page one story is about to run. Well, first page one for the publication I work for. I also have written and rewritten my personal statement for the n-trillionth time. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE! Also, I was Colonel Mustard one night and a flapper the next for Halloween. Went out even though I'm sick. (Turns out that's likely to happen with little sleep and the diet consisting largely of cheese, coffee and chocolate that resulted from so much work on this article.)

I want a vacation!

The Next Step

2005-10-27T23:24:00.000-04:00

So Miers is out, and conservatives and liberals alike are patting themselves on the back, seemingly oblivious to the fact that whoever replaces her can't make them both happy.

So it comes down to this: Would Bush rather stroke his conservative base or get them back for being less than loyal?

On one hand, Bush wants to choose a nominee who won't expend his already precious political capital. He'll want a nominee whose qualifications and record are clean, but still substantial enough to be examined and let senators say how well they're vetting him/her. The next nominee is going to need to be a Roberts clone -- a bland, conservative, likeable judge with intellectual force.

But, on the off chance that there is no one else in the judicial pool as utterly uninteresting as John Roberts, what will Bush do? He could pick a conservative jurist a la Janice Rogers Brown, and hope the Gang of 14 won't pull off a filibuster. But, with a potential indictment of Libby and who knows what coming for Rove, Bush might not have the capital to intice middle-of-the-road Republicans like Mike DeWine who just need to get re-elected.

The other option is pick a legal mind who is not a hard-core conservative and who likely will ruffle Bush's conservative base, but who will be able to get support of the middle and Democrats. But, that might about to an f*** to the right, and probably would only happen if things are going even worse for the White House.

But we know two things about the next nominee, just by looking at where Bush went wrong picking Miers: (1) The new nominee will appeal to some faction and (2) will have uncontestable qualifications, including a top-notch education and judicial experience.

My guess, for what it's worth, is that Bush will pick a senator. Somebody like Cornyn, a Texas Supreme Court judge with conservative credentials and, by right of five years in the Senate, working relationships with Senate Democrats.

Just a thought.

An Unraveling

2005-10-26T01:13:00.000-04:00

Well, 2000 U.S. troops have died in Iraq. Cheney's chief of staff is being connected to the Valerie Plame leak and potentially lying in the investigation. Miers' nomination is lagging, and lacking the push and praise Roberts received mere weeks ago. Another hurricane has ravaged the Southeast, and Americans' view of government and business is suffering. Is Cheney next? When does our strategy in Iraq change? Will Miers be confirmed? Will she withdraw? Be rejected? What would come next? It seems to me, some "my bads" are needed here, that such a contrite approach would be the only way for the administration to make any headway rather than be a poison pill. Not holding my breath, though.

LSAT score has been received, and I'm content. Not happy, not sad, just content. And content ain't bad. Went to New York over the weekend to attend a how-to-apply-to-law-school forum near Rockefeller Center. Dreaming of New York, and singing "New York, New York" all weekend. (I will spare you, my three readers, any more Whitman references.) Had dinner with W, and far too much wine.

Then went home, saw my parents. It's always wonderful to feel so loved, and they always make me feel that way -- I always know that no matter what they will love me and be proud of me. I credit them so much with making it through some extraordinarily awkward pre-teen and teenage years. Somehow, horrible days at gym and mean seventh graders didn't phase me much, because they gave me this self confidence I'm so happy I have. (Those years are largely explainable by my father's statement that I should get big glasses so I could see more -- it was all downhill from there). That and new shoes made for a rockin, albeit brief, weekend.

One more thing before I rewrite my personal statement for the n-millionth time. As a New Jersey native, I find myself on the offense -- pre-emptively touting my home state lest it be underappreciated. But it seems Newark and one media outlet are taking this a bit too far. According to AP, the city is paying the Newark City News $100,000 to print good news about the city. Now, I would wager this won't last long ... for one, how much can you make up?

Blame The Media

2005-10-18T00:45:00.000-04:00

Have to get up early-ish tomorrow to get to some stuff done at work before going to a hearing on the Hill. I'm really hoping the hearing might shed a new light on the story I've been working on, but that isn't turning into the peg I was hoping for. So, fingers crossed.

But the real reason I'm posting -- and not, say, sleeping -- is because I wanted to shared this cartoon ...

.

A couple of interesting things. The first is really, really odd. The Electronic Frontier Foundation says the U.S. government, in cahoots with some manufacturers has embedded "tiny tracking dots" in pages printed on some color laser printers. Now you know there had to be some person out there thinking, "The government already ate up my hope of getting Social Security. What could they do next? I know, invade my printer!"

Changing topics entirely, 80 percent of low-income Americans lack the civil legal aid they need, according to a study by Legal Services Corp., a major funder of legal aid programs. Quote the Washington Post: "The study determined that there is one legal aid lawyer per 6,861 low-income clients vs. one lawyer for every 525 persons in the general population." So, maybe there aren't too many lawyers out there; maybe the ones that exist are overly focused on the wrong things. "Family problems" accounted for both the largest portion cases and unmet need, at 383,484 and 504,312, respectively. And while this is obviously disheartening, I suppose I'm somewhat relieved that there is a need for what I want to do. Family problems, by the way, include "domestic violence and abuse, custody issues, and problems involving social service agencies." Housing needs came in second.

The Life Nomadic

2005-10-14T01:08:00.000-04:00

Awake and a little restless. Reading tomorrow's Post online. One page 1 story has an enormously obvious headline (Scandals Take Toll On Bush's 2nd Term). The lede states that on-going scandals, particularly ethics charges concerning top GOP leaders has disrupted President Bush's agenda. What I gave a second read, though, was the next graf, which mentioned that some insiders expect Rove and Vice President Cheney's top aide to be indicted in the near future.

So, I checked up on the Times, and saw they took a different approach -- and probably one that made a better lede. The story, headlined "Jitters at the White House over the Leak Inquiry," points to a new focus on what seemed unnecessary political minutae months, or even weeks, ago. That leaving his house in the predawn hours, Rove had to contend with five television crews and three photographers says a lot about either the public's or the media's interest in something political. Yeah, it's not tax overhaul or government-sponsored enterprises, but it's not a black bear being rescued from a tree on live TV either.

Still waiting for LSAT scores, and wondering what my "contingency plan" should be. If I do poorly, do I wait? Do I be a 26-year-old IL? A 29-year-old just getting out of school?

My personal statement is about my grandfather, specifically two memories I have of him. One as a little girl, when he would buoy me above the waves at the Jersey Shore, my 40-pound, waify body resting on his 6'3" frame. He taught me -- probably unintentionally -- a defiance that I'm proud of.

Years later, he lay dying, and I came to see him in the Alzheimer's ward. That amazing man, who worked on artificial hearts and knew Dr. Heimlich, was painfully skinny -- skinny like a supermodel, but aged, sad and silent. I fed him a meal, mushed chicken and veggies, and liquid laced with electrolytes to prevent dehyrdration. Oddly enough, I connected to him more than ever before that day. It was the last time I saw him alive, and I have yet to figure out what it was that struck me. Was it that the most human experiences are the most elemental -- the situations that unwittingly reduce us to our bodies' functions, that return us to our primordial selves? Or did I grow up a little that day, was I ready to see him?

Now I digress. I was on the Hill yesterday, feeling like a journalist and proud of it. When I'm there, on Capitol Hill, ID badge in a twist typical of a journalist. We distinguish ourselves from the Prep of the hill; we adapt the style of not-quite-there, in a last-ditch effort to blend in a little less. It's funny to me that despite all the differences of opinion, there are such droves of sameness.

I wonder when we learn to think one way. It's like that R.E.M. song --

these heavy notions creep around
it makes me think
long ago I was brought into
this life a little lamb
a little lamb
courageous, stumbling
fearless was my middle name.
but somewhere there I
lost my way
everyone walks the same

And a final digression... I had an odd dream the other night, and then awoke to read an e-mail from a friend whose experience -- a sad one I would never want to deal with -- closely paralleled that dream. Some people know what to say; I want to e-mail her back, let her know that somehow I'm there. But it all comes out trite. I end up with platitutes that seem insulting for their lack of insight. How can I tell someone who is in pain, whose experience I have never had, that I feel for her? That I wish I could undo the wrong?

The cat is meowing out my window. Might need Beehtoven to sleep tonight. Or Tori. We shall see.

Hard at work

2005-10-11T12:46:00.000-04:00

Not in a position to ruminate now, but check out President Bush hard at work rebuilding the Gulf Coast.

Check out Bush Vows Locals Will Lead Gulf Rebuilding.

Information Underload

2005-10-09T14:22:00.000-04:00

There's something about having too little information that seems to bring out the unpredictable in Washingtonians. Take the nomination of Harriet Miers to replace SCOTUS Justice Sandra Day O'Connor. Great than one in three Supreme Court justices, including William Rehnquist, had no judicial experience before ascending to the court. Pundits and politicians alike wonder out loud if she's qualified to be on the court, given her lack of experience. But that's not what they're really complaining about; they're lamenting her lack of on-the-record reasoning. They don't know how she'll rule, and the stakes are too great to be uncertian.

And don't get me wrong: The stakes are high.

I admire Miers for paving the way for women (like me, even). I admire her for the backbone and willfulness she must have used to make her way in boys club profession. I greatly admire her for being able to address the humanity in people in an incident mentioned in a recent Washington Post article. Addressing a racist incident against a black county commissioner, Dallas Council Member Miers in 1990 addressed 1,000 demonstrators humbly, "If it means anything to you, I want to apologize." That takes humanity and courage.

And yet I find myself hypocritically wary of her religious tenets, despite my own dislike of the politicization of my faith. Miers, according to the same Post story, as a City Council member, would not support a city ordinance that protected women at an abortion clinic from harassment. "She said, well, I'm sorry, it's murder, and that's that," recalled one women's activist. Also while on the city council, she also would not support repeal of Texas' law against sodomy, which was declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court in 2003. Returning to the politicization of religion, I find myself wondering -- bells going off all the while -- if evangelical protestism is inherantly political while perhaps Roman Catholicism isn't. (If I had any readers, I'd probably get yelled at for this!)

But let's say for a minute that you're President Bush and -- given Katrina, nearly 2000 Americans dead in Iraq, low polling -- you lack the clout to pick a nominee in the obvious mold of Scalia and Thomas. Such a person would be filibustered for certain, and given the attitude in the country right now, Democrats might, just might, have the political capital to pull it off. Or at least to bring you further down in the process. So what do you do? You pick somebody who fits that mold, but less obviously so -- somebody you trust to bring the court to the right, but somebody who is less obvious and therefore more likely to raise Democrats' ire. You pick somebody you trust, say Harriet Miers.

(As an aside, Scalia did not come off as the right-winger he now so obviously is; his nomination was confirmed by the Senate on a 98-0 vote.)

This may stink of conspiracy theory, but approach this with an open mind. The administration is not dumb; they are masters of spin. That some conservatives are crying fowl is something of a gift because it produces the opposite effect on the left: "If Pat Robertson objects, it must be good!" I think the lies of Robertson don't know how good they're getting it; the administration really ought to work on it's "wink, wink, nod, nod" approach.

I also suspect some of this comes down to sexism, and yes, elitism too. That, according to a September CNN/Gallup/USA Today poll*, 13 percent of Americans would not vote for a qualified woman to be president is sadly not suprising. What is is that nearly one-third think their neighbors would not. So either people see themselves as gender-neutral and others as sexist, or sexism is subtle. People don't say, and largely don't think, "I won't vote for X because she's a woman." People see women differently, judge them on different standards and then decide they don't like them.

Another question in the same survey asks whether a man or woman would better handle national security and domestic policy. On national security, men are backed by 42 percent, compared to women at 23 percent. For domestic policy, the roles are nearly reversed; women get 45 percent to men's 22 percent. If Americans really believe this dichotomy, then its in the best interest of Hillary Clinton haters to keep national security, and by tenuous association the war in Iraq, as the front-burner issue. But, when you have a disaster like Hurricane Katrina, that inevitably changes priorities.

(As a curious aside, notice the skepticism about threats to NYC subways; the doubt of the threats in itself suggests a profound distrust of the administration by Americans.)

*CNN/Gallup/USA Today poll: Conducted Sept. 8-11, 2005; surveyed 1,005 adults. 3-point error margin.

O-V-E-R

2005-10-03T01:24:00.000-04:00

Blogging, or rather good blogging, is a lifestyle. Case in point: It's been nearly two weeks since I've posted.

Oh well, guess it's not my lifestyle.

Anyway, LSAT is over. O-V-E-R. I really, really, really don't want to have to retake it. The one thing I wasn't prepared for was to spend so much time doing nothing at the beginning. You show up at 8:30 in the morning -- you and 200 other people -- and stand on line, give a thumbprint, sit in a room where oddly enough nobody talks, and fill in bubbles while ever 10 minutes or so, the proctor says "when you're done, look up at me." Except, how do you tell when 200 bored, sleepy people are all done? Really, it was excruciating.

That said, the test could have sucked more.

(I am an eternal optimist, you can see.)

In the outside world, a lot is going on now. Tom DeLay was indicted, which made for a rushed and exhilarating day at work. Media coverage of Katrina has returned to fires in West. (News flash: When things are dry, they burn!) Not to be insensitive, but it seems, that's national news only when nothing better is happening. Perhaps there are no missing, affluent white girls who have disappeared recently ...

Newspapers can't decide whether the reported chaos in the aftermath of Katrina was exaggerated -- whether reporting relied to heavily on information that couldn't be verified. It seems to me that institutions -- media and government alike -- were so unprepared for this kind of disaster that they naively tried to overcompensate for their slow response. The feds came up with massive schemes to house victims -- cruise ships, yet-to-be-constructed trailers -- that proved excessively costly and still too slow; media, meanwhile, lacking access and a plan for how to deal with this kind of massive natural disaster, might have let themselves take for granted information that was less than sound. Not sure I could have done any better, though.

Live, Sleep, And Test

2005-09-19T23:58:00.000-04:00

T minus 12 days until LSAT. Live, sleep, breathe, draw diagrams of arguments. Contrapositive! Extremes = bad.

Most other things have gone to the wayside -- gym, this blog (clearly) ... but I'm getting excited thinking I'll do something new, maybe move to a new place. I like uncertainty; I thrive on not knowing what's next. Otherwise, life would be like living a book when you've already read the last page.

On a related note, Congress it seems will never go home. NEVER.

This entry is muddled, I know. Too much going on for linear thought.

In DC, there has been a fair amount of recent media coverage on the contrast between the compassion felt for Katrina victims and the lack thereof felt for this city's poor. Some argue that media feed into people's desire for what's safe, but I think that's to simple.

People feel like they can help Katrina victims. The everyday homeless are largely uncounted, amorphous as a population. And I never know what's actually helpful. A person should have a place to sleep, medical care, food. These needs are obscured in a culture that wants to take for granted the most basic things.

Wants to, but can't. Tries to, but can't.

I really want to see Katrina as a catalyst, but I'm cautious; it seems to me that most people who can afford to be complacent (those not immediately affected) can't take much before they retreat to their comfort zones. I think that's why the war in Iraq was allowed to happen; people believed it would make them safer -- that by invading Iraq we would move the frontlines of the so-called War on Terror to another continent, to the kind of place that we imagine is fit for warfare.

On Religion, Disaster and Admitting You're Wrong

2005-09-14T00:21:00.000-04:00

Fall in D.C. is no Autumn in New York, but it'll do.

More on that later, though.

My lone reader makes a good point on her blog about the market-driven nature of journalism. Lamenting about the so-called liberal bias of the media, conservative pundits tend to abandon one of most revered principles -- THE FREE MARKET. Cut down on demand (don't read media outlets you find offensive, etc.), supply will follow suit. It's not brain science; it's economics.

So, an already craptastic work week -- I feel like I'm living in "Office Space" lately -- and tons of LSAT prep have made me a pretty lazy blogger. But don't worry, they've also given me pimples too. When in doubt, blame bad skin on stress.

Here's a rundown on some things from the last several days:

1. An ABC News/Washington post poll released Tuesday finds that more Americans (62 percent) disapprove of Presiden't Bush's handling of the War in Iraq than of his handling of Hurricane Katrina (54 percent).

If that's so, where is the outcry?

Well, Americans disapprove of how the administration has handled the war, but they don't believe the U.S. should pull out. (Must find polling to show that) Neither do I, for that matter. Iraq could be unstable for decades. Nevermind that it's bad policy to blow a place to pieces then leave.

That said, humility can go a long way: Who wants to help somebody clean up a mess they won't even admit exists? Not that I'm counting on Bush putting his tail between his legs anytime soon and proclaiming a loud "my bad," but I can dream, can't I?

On a similar note, Americans in an Aug. 5 survey rated the war the nations's one priority, by a 41 percent plurality, compared to 24 percent two months earlier. That begs the question of the chicken and the egg: Are more Americans disapproving of administration's actions in Iraq because they are more aware of the war, or are people more aware and therefore more disapproving?

(ABC/WP poll conducted 9/8-11/05; surveyed 1,201 adults, margin of error +/-3%. Harris poll conducted 8/9-16/05; 1,217 adults, margin of error +/-3%.)

2. Yesterday, President Bush denied there was a racial component to the response to Hurricane Katrina. Quote Bush: "The storm didn't discriminate and neither will the recovery effort. ... The rescue efforts were comprehensive. The recovery will
be comprehensive."

Well, to ask whether a storm discriminated is, to paraphrase C.S. Lewis, like asking whether yellow is square or round.

But, Mr. Bush, the effects of the storm certainly had a racial component; the people affected were disproportionately black; that's not a coincidence. Way to sidestep the issue and avoid the question.

3. I went to mass Sunday evening, more because of Katrina than the anniversary of 9/11. Everyone wants to remember, remember, remember 9/11. I want to forget. I'm not use to going by myself, but it's probably the best way to go. What I like about church is really being able to hear my own thoughts. The priest, Fr. S., was amazing. I hadn't seen him before; he gave a very helpful sermon on being able to forgive God in times of pain and tragedy. He pointed out, using the C.S. Lewis reference I stole, that sometimes we don't understand enough to ask the right questions. In a book written after losing his wife, Lewis wrote:

"Can a mortal ask questions which God finds unanswerable? Quite easily, I should think. All nonsense questions are unanswerable. How many hours are in a mile? Is yellow square or round? Probably half the questions we ask -- half the great theological and metaphysical problems -- are like that."
- A Grief Observed

Yes, I'm Catholic. And I utterly hate the politicization of religion. Shouldn't one's spirituality be a relationship between a person and a higher power? To me, wearing one's religion on one's sleeve as a "holier than thou" statement is hypocritical and self-serving. And it's un-Christian too, if such a term really can exist.

4. Former Secretary of State Colin Powell told Barbara Walters Friday that he regrets the 2003 speech to the U.N. describing Iraq's alleged weapons program. Quote Powell "It was painful. It's painful now."

See, it goes like this: (1) Admit wrong. (2) Say loudly that you feel bad about it. (3) Insert tail between legs and hope somebody has some compassion.

The District, Big Easy and Hard Lives

2005-09-05T00:41:00.000-04:00

A sign of the times.

I'm regretting starting this thing -- which I might delete pretty soon. This format requires a quick turnaround of thought, and frankly I need time to figure things out.

Perhaps it's the job, but I'm paying a lot of attention to how different media outlets handle the hurricane's aftermath. I've found myself stricken by the difference between the New York Times' and the Washington Post's coverage. The Post's Web site seems more focused on the hurricane, particularly how the disaster illustrates the chasm between economic classes in this country. People remained in New Orleans because they had no choice -- they had no money to leave, nowhere to go. That can't be emphasized enough.

For a few days, I would read the newspaper stories -- I'm a news junkie -- and start crying.

(As a side note, it was interesting to see that the Washington edition of the Times did not have Rehnquist's death; the story made the front page of the Post today, and the local editions of the Times -- that's late breaking news for you.)

As a journalist, it's frustrating not to be working when two big stories break. Katrina and Rehnquist's passing occured while my publication is dark. But, unfortunately for hundreds of thousands of people, the aftermath of this will take years.

On a personal note, I think A is doing his best to avoid thinking about the situation; his parents is living in Boston temporarily, staying in a hotel room and probably in a family-owned house on the Cape after that. S's and W's families in Mississippi are safe.

It's horrible, though, how this has been handled. The White House and the governor's office are wrestling for control, each crossing their fingers that they won't be blamed.

To say it's a fascinating time to work at the White House is an understatement, I'm sure. Imagine balancing the largest displacement of Americans since the Civil War with two open seats on the Supreme Court.

In any time of tragedy, people like to say, usually from a podium and while wearing a flag lapel pin, that the situation is above politics. That's nonsense. Times of tragedy are when the most monumental changes are made, and those who are effectively apolitical are not participating.

So, if Democrats can't or don't capitalize on Hurricane Katrina as the horrible illustration of the differences between the haves and have-nots that the situation is, then they are either fools or cowards. Those stark differences translate to the Supreme Court and to Congress' agenda. Democrats have a unique chance to show how their opponents' policies aid the wealthy at the expense of the lower and middle classes. I think I will lose all respect for them if they don't take the chance handed them.

Cereal Bowl Analogy

2005-08-31T19:34:00.000-04:00

A's house probably was destroyed in Hurricane Katrina.

I wonder why he seems to calm.

That's all I have to say ... processing.

One in 9 million

2005-08-30T00:36:00.000-04:00

Went to New York today to visit Mike. I took the train to Hoboken, the Path to the World Trade Center and the subway to Brooklyn. It was the first time I was in the rebuilt subway station at the WTC. There was a metal fence through which you could view the contstruction. I half felt like taking a picture -- it's history -- but that seemed too morbid, too callous.

Walt Whitman mused about the streets, the droves of faces in the city. I wonder what he would think of this New York, this city I am half in love with but that always makes me want to wash my hands. Its grimy subways and mingling scents; floating faces and melodious language; the Brooklyn Bridge and the glitter of Rockefeller Center. But I wonder, if I live there, will it make me hard? How can one live among 9 million others and not become desentized to them?

Keep your woods, O Nature, and the quiet places by the woods;

Keep your fields of clover and timothy, and your corn-fields and orchards;

Keep the blossoming buckwheat fields, where the Ninth-month bees hum;

Give me faces and streets! give me these phantoms incessant and endless along the trottoirs!

Give me interminable eyes! give me women! give me comrades and lovers by the thousand!

Let me see new ones every day! let me hold new ones by the hand every day!
...

Manhattan streets, with their powerful throbs, with the beating drums, as now;
The endless and noisy chorus, the rustle and clank of muskets, (even the sight of the wounded;)
Manhattan crowds, with their turbulent musical chorus—with varied chorus, and light of the sparkling eyes;
Manhattan faces and eyes forever for me.

-- Walt Whitman

Who knew that Delaware had a beach?

2005-08-28T13:03:00.000-04:00

We got back from Rehoboth yesterday -- and the week was amazingly relaxing. The drive back was not, and frankly being home makes me feel claustrophobic. I feel like a potted plant with no room to grow.

(At left is one of my favorite pictures from our vacation. It's actually nearby Dewey Beach.)

I fly back to DC is Wednesday morning.

Most of the time, I miss my family like crazy. There's something about people who love you and whom you love unconditionally that can't be replaced. And, for the most part, I had this amazing childhood -- digging in the backyard, having to get out of the pool because my lips turned blue, riding my bike in circles with the neighborhood kid, devouring book after book like it's good New York-style pizza ... But I come back here, to my parents' idyllic little town just outside New York City, and *poof* I'm 12 years old again. It seems the saying is true: You can never go home again. Somehow I grew out of this when I wasn't paying attention.

Meanwhile, though, I need a change. Something has to give and I just don't know what. There's a quote that goes something like "Change is inevitable, except in vending machines." (I'm sure I mangled that, but you get the point.) If I'm not changing, I'm not growing, and if I'm not growing, I'm not living. But damnit, there's only so many hours in the day, and so much I love or have to do. I don't like to give anything up, and I like to put my whole self into what I do.

I've been juggling a couple of books and LSAT studying. The title of this blog comes from an e.e. cummings poem I love. He's incredibly sensual, and he plays with words, just makes them up. He fascinates me. Also, a book on American history that I would have finished eons ago, except it's too heavy to lug around. Working on Reading Lolita in Tehran -- which would probably be a better read if I had read Lolita in the first place. I picked it up after finishing The Bookseller of Kabul, which was a really good, albeit brief, read.

To a lot of Americans -- certainly to me -- the cultural differences between Iran's fundamentalist regime and Afghanistan's emerging post-Taliban government can seem mere nuances. But the two are amazingly different. One, Iran, was among the most liberal of Mideastern nations before the revolution -- and women there enjoyed more freedom than in many neighboring countries. From what I've picked up in these two memoirs, in pre-revolution Iran those women who covered themselves completely in black robes did so largely by choice, to show their devotion perhaps. But when it's mandatory, what does that show? How does that distinguish the individual? Afghanistan, meanwhile, seems to be a place where nothing works -- and where one's surroundings are a mix of things pre-Soviet, Soviet, pre-Taliban, Taliban and recent. Buildings housing the "middle class" and built, irronically by the Communists, have become dilapitated dwellings where water is only on a few hours a day and likely doesn't travel higher than the second floor. People my age have lived in a war zone there entire lives. One person in the Bookseller, the teenage son of the title character, embarks on a pilgrimage to the shrine of Ali. He muses on the information from a decades-old book, detailing the famous pottery and reknowned fruit stands along the road to the site; the side of that same road is now littered with roadside bombs from decades of war.

But what seems similar between these two countries is the separate worlds of men and women. Like ships passing in the night, men and women live in segregated worlds, each with its own rules, power structures and ways to get around the former two.

Prelude

2005-08-26T18:26:00.000-04:00

At first, I was fundamentally against this. It seemed egotistical to think anybody would care to read my musings, complaints, bored ramblings.

Then, I realized it could be empowering.

Nobody has to know its here. Maybe it will be my secret -- and a chance for me to throw thoughts out there, and let them bounce of the edges of the universe, to reverberate among the other countless ideas spewed about the Internet.

So here goes ...