frail gestures

Always stumbling, sometimes falling, I have learned along the way that making decisions is not always difficult because one has too many choices, but rather because one has only one life. That reality makes for infinate forks in the road and forces a person to decide what she will live for. I feel like I have a drawer full of forks. Plastic ones, well-shined silver ones, elaborately decorated ones.

The newest one is law school. I got my first acceptance today, but utter surprise since it's only the middle of January and I figured it would be at least one more month. I got it in an e-mail and gasped outloud in disbelief that something that has been such a focus of my life for the last six months -- nevermind extraordinary expense -- is actually an option.

But I stand here wondering if I want to give up what I have. My job is already an immense learning experience; each day is an education unto itself. Today, I researched the House majority leader election in 1998, when Dick Armey had to defend his post amid growing discontent with the leadership. One day, it's the budget process. Another day, it's a Senate race. I get to stand in the gym, watching Trent Lott on C-SPAN and take mental notes for what I'm going to do with my day later, based on what he says. There's something about seeing the smirk on his face and guessing what he'll say that I can't quite articulate. And, yes, there is C-SPAN in New York, but would I care so much if this weren't my life, my career?

Do I postpone law school? If I don't, where do I go? Where they give me money? Where I'll be close to home? Where the academic reputation is the greatest? Where I'll simply be happy?

For now, I suppose, I'm just going to be grateful that I have choices. The more, the better.